The Mechanics of Forgiveness

The concept of forgiveness as taught in our spiritual and psycho-analytical circles, offer such self deprecating acts of forgiveness as: "forgive and forget" and "turn the other cheek" leaving me to question why would I turn the other cheek...to get "hit" again on the other one? Is it really wise to forgive and forget, only to find yourself on a merry-go-round of looping martyrdom? Are these really acts of self empowerment or self deprecation? While I'm certainly not advocating for another popular verse: "An eye for an eye", that would indeed, leave us all blind not to mention exhausted but I am most certain that for real healing to take place, their must be accountability. The one in need of forgiveness, must understand what he/she has done and why these actions have caused harm. This is essential as how do we ever learn and grow from our mistakes if we don't understand them? Second, as a victim, trust had been broken leaving the victim to feel used, ashamed, lacking trust sometimes leading to paranoia and most often left unresolved, left to re-loop and magnetize, another victimizing situation. Thus making forgiveness an essential two-way street of awareness and ownership not a mad dash to sweep things under the carpet because they're uncomfortable. "Can't you just forgive already" is NOT the approach to this issue...Nor is "Can't you just forget about it". These are fearful responses the ego whips out in an attempt to gain emotional control over a situation that may require accountability...something the ego won't "bow down to" or "I don't have to answer to you" for.

   Forgiveness is not a right, it must be sought, it cannot be imposed. "Seek" forgiveness and it may be granted. Forgiveness falls on the side of the "seeker". Ask first: Do you forgive yourself so you may seek forgiveness from those who were perpetrated? Own it!
Real and lasting Forgiveness, can only be possible, only when it is sought....and it sounds something like this: "I am deeply sorry for how my choices and actions deeply hurt you and destroyed your trust in me. I understand how much this effected you and for that I am deeply sorry. I cannot change the past, but hope that we can recreate our relationship to one of trust, respect and reflective of love"